I wish I could change some of the things I do but it’s so hard. I wish I could stop lusting. I wish I could get up when my alarm goes off. I wish I could believe in God better.
I think four balls are tied together and tug each other around inside us. The balls are my EMOTIONS, my WILL, my MIND, and my ACTIONS. To help myself do those things that are so difficult to make myself do, I can start pulling on one or some of these balls and the others tend to follow.
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For example, sometimes i really struggle with having faith. Sometimes I just don’t feel like believing (my EMOTIONS). Sometimes I have just decided that God probably doesn’t exist (exercising my power of WILL). Often times I think there are reasons that god doesn’t exist (my MIND). And then other times I just stop acting like I believe (ACTIONS).
I think that when you move any of the four balls in the right direction they will pull the rest along with it. If I start ACTING like I believe by dropping my knees to my bedside, bowing my head and praying with all my might each night for a week, then I think that my WILL will eventually come along side and start to decide to believe as well. And my MIND will begin to find reasons why God exists and if i really tug hard with my actions i’ll even start to enjoy it.
Or I can go through the intellectual proof first if that has the strongest horsepower. Or maybe I recall how much I enjoy being in God’s love and let that seduce me back. And sometimes when we feel no reasoning will pull us out, and we can’t really remember the last time we enjoyed believing, and even when we can’t keep our body from disobeying, we just turn our eyes to the sky and say, I am totally spent and all i have left is my ability to choose to believe. I believe. I believe. Lord help me, I believe.
Mark 12:30- and thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength.
Raw Spoon
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