Doubt

I’ve had a lot of doubt recently.

It just seems like my fate doesn’t get any better than someone who doesn’t pray.

I don’t ask for things very often, but i asked to be healed from the pain in my neck.

That was like a couple months ago. I went in for an MRI today because it still hurts and now my hand is going numb.

It makes me wonder if prayer does anything at all. Is there anyone listening. . . ever. I shuffle my feet, mutter my doubts, and consider walking away from it all.

But then I look at my life and when I really see it clearly, its rich bounty brings me to tears. I met a woman at the MRI office today and she found out about my writing, loved it, and told all her friends. Never has something so encouraging to my writing happened before, and it wouldn’t have happened if this neck pain had been taken away.

And then I ask myself, do I have food? Yes, in excess. Do I have talents? Yes, enough. Do I have people that I love and who love me. Yes. Many, and deeply.

I realize that I am in a better place than perhaps I have ever been before, and I am ashamed that I have ever complained he hasn’t given me exactly what I need.

And why does it seem like the man who prays has no better fate than one who doesn’t? I think maybe it’s because sometimes Yahweh spreads lavish gifts even on the man that doubts and turns his face from him. This is the type of God we have, and the type of love he has for us.

Lord, your will prevails over mine again, and gratitude knocks me to my knees.

(thank you, Denise for ministering to me)

Raw Spoon