Being married somehow brings a lot more of what I deemed “unnecessary work.” Hanging pictures, rearranging furniture for upcoming parties, Ironing pants, buying this juicer or toaster, driving to the store for that extra ingredient.
I used to live a minimalistic bachelor life (eating chipotle in my tiny rented room) with purposefully as few unnecessary tasks as possible, so that I could instead focus almost solely on my mission (to love others by making art and story to help them experience God more).
I’ve never been one to meet cultural expectations of me but my culture hasn’t required bachelors to be much more than that, even if it did slightly lower my perceived value as one who didn’t adult well. This was a calculated decision for me. Mission was more important.
And then marriage was a new but also very calculated decision as well, understanding that it would require me to embrace another person’s perspective and priorities.
Sometimes I start to get grumpy when I realize the new “unnecessary work” of marriage seems like a distraction from my mission. Until I remember loving those in front of us is the first mission of all of us. (Many don’t have the luxury of choosing who they want to have in front of them daily.)
And then doing the busywork not only becomes bearable, but making “unnecessary work” the way through which love can be shown becomes the new mission.
And then knowing that it’s a worthwhile effort, I try to figure out how to do each of these “unnecessary” tasks in a way so that they are the platter on which love and joy and creativity and humble apologies can be delivered. It's like a new art: how I serve and respond to situations with her. And it adds another beautiful element to a previously one-sided life. A wonderful thing to experience and learn from in my second half of life.
Raw Spoon, Dec 1, 2021
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