Willed Away

Days like today, sitting in church, God seems absent. Maybe floating somewhere like a whisp of smoke between the dirt and the sky. But not here listening to me. Wouldn’t I feel him? Wouldn’t he speak up against the rambling skeptic in all our heads?

But then I remember that even though God created this masterpiece of a planet, we kicked him off of it. He chose to give us free will, and with it we decided we didn’t want him here. And he willingly left his garden for us.

And so when it doesn’t feel like he’s real because of the silence in the air around me, or the clever wisdom of NPR or the cries of deserted people on social media, I need to remember something. He doesn’t settle in the places of the chaos in the world. For he has given those back to us. But instead he nestles into the quiet order of some people’s hearts. And then he slips through our culture via their hands and words. And I’m afraid, today, I can only see the chaos. I’m also afraid that today I am the reason I don’t feel him inside of me.

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